{"id":1393,"date":"2023-12-18T14:42:56","date_gmt":"2023-12-18T14:42:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yezeginetkibir.com\/?p=1393"},"modified":"2024-02-18T10:18:03","modified_gmt":"2024-02-18T10:18:03","slug":"the-majlis-chronicles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yezeginetkibir.com\/en\/the-majlis-chronicles\/","title":{"rendered":"The Majlis Chronicles:"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am nervous, I don\u2019t know why but I keep on holding my breath. Maybe it\u2019s to calm down what\u2019s left of my heart. It makes no sense to me now. How my legs worked their way to your doors. Why I am standing here gazing up waiting for you to answer your door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I lied when I said I didn\u2019t know where you lived. I had always known. From the first week you moved in, I have made a habit of walking by at odd hours. In my defense I was just making sure you were safe. I checked out the area that first week you moved in. I asked your neighbors if it was safe for a woman to be walking about at night, or if the shops and bars down the street stayed up all night. I had nightmares the first day I saw where you choose to live. What if you had to walk all the way from the terminal to your block at night? My mind created so many scenarios that I drove down in the middle of the night, just to see that your light was on. I waited a few more minutes waiting for you to walk by the window. I waited to catch a glimpse of your shadow. I waited till you turned off your lights. I drove away feeling wary and impatient, not satisfied about your safety. I wondered all the way to home if you had locked your doors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I can remember many of nights spent like that. I wondered if you felt my gaze, if my walk bys gave you a sense of security. Of course, if I had told you beforehand you would have freaked out. So I held back, kept it a secret and stayed away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So here I am braving your door steps like I haven\u2019t already figured out the lay out of your house. Invited to visit so many times and having surrendered at last. I am running different mantras in my head trying to school my excitement. I am ever eager to be in your presence, without the look of wary eyes or judging faces of all our acquaintances. To hear your voice, the music that will restart my dead heart, to feel, smell and touch you. It\u2019s like I have been dead the past year. All my senses seem to be waking up, eager for that drug they have been craving for all this time. I feel my face heating up; I wonder if you can tell how I feel in this moment. I am dreading get excited for you to open your door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t know what the decorum was, do I greet you with a hug or do I just smile and greet you with a snarky comment. But, will I be able to speak for the latter? My voice seem to have escaped me, my throat seems to go dry suddenly. I slightly start to drag my feet backwards. I can\u2019t let this emotions show. I was churning inside. It was like all this inherent instinct kicked in suddenly. I needed to fly\u2026 I needed to get away. I need to be composed. But then suddenly you open your door and everything stops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Everything stops! The children playing down the street, the elders sitting by the garden, the neighbor trying to coo the wailing child\u2026 every noise and sound muted. Even my heart seemed to have stopped there for a moment. The world stopped for me. It gave me a moment to study you. You were standing there barefoot shuffling from one to the other, dressed in non-other than my own shirt, radiant as always. I could tell you just got out of the shower from your bare than dry hair. I was enamored with you, yet again. My brain wasn\u2019t able to process anything anymore, my heart just mewled at me to grab it. I was frozen in place. I just needed to drink you in: in your element. You smile at me and I feel dizzy even more. I slightly manage to lean up against the column and smile back. I try to collect whatever drop of spittle I can find and swallow so I my voice didn\u2019t betray me. I know I looked nonchalant to you, but I was anything but.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t know when my brain started functioning again but, I hear myself if I can maybe wash my hands and take off my shoes before coming in. You laugh at me, and say I have always been very cautious. Of course, If only you knew it was just so I can compose myself better, it was the only reason what\u2019s left of my functioning brain can come up with ( thank you corona \u2026 \ud83d\ude02\ud83d\ude02).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t know why you have to stand there waiting for me to finish washing my hands, but I have never felt twenty seconds go by that fast. I had to stop you from looking at me like that. I didn\u2019t wanna look at you again. But I am already in a situation I can\u2019t walk out of. So I add some more soap and continue to thoroughly wash my hands, I look up just in time to see you raise your eyebrows. Ahh\u2026 there comes one of your funny retorts, but no u just stand there waiting. I figured this is a ridiculous way to keep you waiting. So I rinse of and turn around to properly greet you. I could feel the exuberance with which you pull me in for a hug. I am yet again dumbfounded by your reaction. It wasn\u2019t like the other times, where you lean in with one hand and give me a loose hug, it wasn\u2019t how I knew you to say hi to me. This was different. You pressed all your body to me and just pulled me in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-media-text is-stacked-on-mobile\"><figure class=\"wp-block-media-text__media\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"450\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/yezeginetkibir.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/photo_2020-04-26_19-09-49.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1394 size-full\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yezeginetkibir.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/photo_2020-04-26_19-09-49.jpg 450w, https:\/\/yezeginetkibir.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/photo_2020-04-26_19-09-49-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/yezeginetkibir.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/photo_2020-04-26_19-09-49-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/figure><div class=\"wp-block-media-text__content\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I felt you hold on tighter; you squished me with all your strength. I know it was with all your strength that you held on. I couldn\u2019t resist it any more. I gave in and just pressed you tighter to me. I couldn\u2019t remember the last time I was hugged. Not by anyone, not this tight. I wanted to rejoice and cry at the same time: I felt like I was home. I felt you hiccup a little and I couldn\u2019t help but hold onto you tighter. It felt like hours passed standing there like that. I didn\u2019t want to let go. I would have stood like that forever if the situation allowed. But I heard someone clear their throat slightly and felt the spell break. We fell apart quickly, if not too awkwardly. I felt every breath whoosh out of me. I felt naked and annoyed at whoever interrupted this bliss. I look behind you to see someone I didn\u2019t recognize. There was a face smiling at me in welcome.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I wanted to scream who are you? Why are you here? I wanted to open the door and push her out the door. But I held back. Greetings were exchanged and introductions were made. We sat down on the Majlis and you got busy with serving this and that. I don\u2019t remember much of the questions you posed. Water? or soft drinks? Should I warm this up or should we just eat? I don\u2019t know what I answered\u2026. an hour passed full of meaningless conversation. Your friend seemed to try. At least, I think I was civil with whatever mambo-jumbo she was saying. All I wanted to know was what she meant to you. I didn\u2019t think I was in the right mindset to ask politely what I wanted to know; or to state my questions in an acceptable manner. But I guess she sensed my reservations, for she made it easier for me and told me that you guys were friends. She said she was your best friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Best friend. That word seemed to be stuck in my head the entire time she explained how you guys met and ended up being friends. You seem to have a backhanded way of speaking to one another. Jibbing and exchanging quirky funny remarks about this and that. I wanted none of it. I didn\u2019t care for her kindness at the moment. I just wanted to know if she was leaving or staying; or even more dreadful\u2026. if she was your roommate. Now I know you only have a single bedroom cordoned off. So if she was your roommate\u2026. then did it mean she was sharing your bed? Of course, this started another dialogue in my head; I started to apprise her of her looks. Long frame, beautifully chiseled cheek bones an even beautiful smile\u2026 not that I cared for it at all. Mind you, I knew you\u2019ve moved on and that I have no claim on you whatsoever, but this was tumultuous, painful really. Even if she is beautiful, kind, beautiful\u2026. did I mention beautiful\u2026I guess now that I think of it.. She was stunning. But never mind all that, what I wanted to know was if she was part of the harlom of women that have graced your bed. Your bed, now why did I have to go and think of that? I know you\u2019ve slept around after we broke up, while we were breaking up and while we were together. But it mattered, at that moment it mattered more to me that she was claiming to be your best friend. Did she know you like I do? Is that a privilege you bestowed upon her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Where does she come of calling herself the best friend? I was your best friend. I was your everything; I was the one with all the secrets. I was the one who held you when you cried, i was the one who held back all the darkness, you were my endless sky and I was the star and the moons to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I must be regurgitating. That was past then, I guess we are not the same people. No \u2026 no\u2026 u are of this life now. You have new friends\u2026best friends and women. I am of your past. I shouldn\u2019t be jealous of the beautiful, kind, \u201cbest friend\u201d. No, I needed to stop this train of thought. I needed to be ok with you. This jealousy was what ruined me to begin with. I\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You interrupted me with a question. Thank God because my insides were fuming. Your friend stood up and excused herself to use the bathroom. She asked me if I wanted coffee or tea. I replied either was fine. Why was she being a hostess in your house? Stop!! I tell myself to stop. So I tried to have meaningless conversation\u2026 I asked about your mom (who loves me), your sister..(who hates me\u2026 for reasons unknown)\u2026 simple questions I already knew the answers to. We talk about this and that \u2026.I simmer down and actually starting to tolerate her company. She was funny to be honest. She wasn\u2019t like any of your friends I knew of. She had a foresight into things\u2026 politics, books, life, Corona\u2026 well things didn\u2019t go as planned \u2026 I didn\u2019t get you all to myself. Not yet anyways. So yea, I kinda liked your friend. She seems to be good for you, I refuse to call her your best friend though\u2026 no.. and for the love of god I can\u2019t remember her name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t how time flew by, but I noticed it was getting dark and I figured it was time for me to excuse myself. Be grateful for the time you gave me and head on my way. But, just as I was about to suggest that I leave; your friend gets up and announced her departure. Oh the glee I felt at that moment. She was living, I was gonna have a moment of your time uninterrupted by her exuberant personality. I didn\u2019t even try to deter her from living. I was more than happy to learn that she didn\u2019t live with you, I wanted her to go. I wanted to mark your space without her thoughtful eyes and know it all attitude. Ok maybe that wasn\u2019t called for. But, I was happy with her departure. Whatever moment I have left with you, I wanted to savor it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Alone just you and me\u2026 that\u2019s what got me to walk up those steps with as much of what little bravery I could muster. Not only where we alone\u2026 we had unhindered privacy and I had no all-knowing protective \u201cbest friend\u201d eyes to judge every single gaze I lay upon you. There was no hindrance, no shame or question to being alone with you in that moment. I was ecstatic to say the least, it was the moment my heart started overwhelming my brain. My mind had no control over my body anymore. Words and actions I didn\u2019t inscribe in my thoughts were pushed out of my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I had such triumph; alone with you and only you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Not that I had any power over you: no, no you always had all the power. You were the outspoken one, the queen and I the humble servant. I had already surrendered my power the first time I laid my eyes. I always succumbed to your wishes and your needs. This was the truth that ruled my entire 5 years of living. Till this day that is. \u201cWillingly?\u201d no never willingly in my right mind. It was bewitchment I tell you. You bewitched me, bewitched me the first day I talked to you. I was enamored with your soul, before I fell and worshiped your flesh. No! No! You had all the power here. I will never deny I was at the mercy of your time; if you would allow me in your presence this night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I was also fearful of being alone with you. You were after all the only one that has seen me at my worst. My worst, I wonder if you ever noticed my best, since they were seldom overshadowed by my failures. But No! No I wasn\u2019t here to bring up or relive those moments of my failure. I was just trying to show you and hoped to relive those rare moments we were at our bests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7387b849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Allen Sedex: is an Ethiopian queer woman and a writer, poet and social advocate for the betterment of life amidst the LGBTIQ+ community in Ethiopia. She has been contributing her part in the movement utilizing her social media platform and her writing skills for more than half a decade now.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u00a9 Yezeginet Kibir | April, 2020<br>http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/yezeginetkibir<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am nervous, I don\u2019t know why but I keep on holding my breath. Maybe it\u2019s to calm down what\u2019s left of my heart. It makes no sense to me now. How my legs worked their way to your doors. Why I am standing here gazing up waiting for you to answer your door. I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 5.0.0.1 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I am nervous, I don\u2019t know why but I keep on holding my breath. 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